A Non-Violent Approach to Communicating with Troubled Children and Young People
So what does that mean, well it is quite simple really. Non-violent Communication (NVC) is communicating with a child or young person in a non-violent and non-aggressive way. Yep it sounds simple doesn’t it.
Ok so how do we do this? And why?
So why do we shout at our kids?
The short answer is because we feel overwhelmed or angry, which means we raise our voices.
As I am sure you will know this rarely solves the situation.
It may work in the short term as your child will become quiet, but it will not making them change their behaviour or attitudes in the long term.
In short it teaches them to fear you rather than understand the natural consequences to their behaviours.
In an ideal world children will want to do the right thing because they have learnt that this is the right thing and not because they are in fear of being shouted at.
Some key points to remember when thinking about shouting at our children.
1. Children might rely on yelling to get their messages across to each other. Children learn through experiences and as their care givers we are likely to be strong influences in their lives.
2. Children may talk back, and even yell at you, rather than just talk respectfully. After all this is what they see happening and what they are role modelling.
3. Your relationship with them may become unstable and volatile to the point of not being able to communicate in a healthy way. This in turn breaks down the relationship and therefore making it much less likely that you will have parental presence.
So how can we start to implement non-violent communication at home?
To start we can implement a new way of dealing with situations at home. Here are a few points to consider;
Responding to a child’s aggression with equal grown up aggression only adds fuel to the fire
Responding to a child’s aggression with calmness and compassion will lead more in the way of dampening the fire
When you shout your heart inevitably beats faster, therefore increasing your arousal levels.
Parenting is not about controlling your children it is about guiding them to their positive path of choice
Using reconciliation gestures to rebuild relationship with your young person. When rewards and sanctions do not work this is a new approach. A reconciliation gesture is a voluntary act by the parent, with no expectation of a positive response from the child
For more information on how I can support parents looking to become more Non Violent and who want to improve communication with their young people or to find out about the training packages I offer please do not hesitate to contact me via my contact me page or email direct to firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you for reading!